


The Sound of Silence

by mollieblack



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Phanfiction, Telepathy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-29 23:19:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12641349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mollieblack/pseuds/mollieblack
Summary: Dan Howell is paranoid. He always has been. Anytime he's around people and starts thinking 'inappropriate thoughts', he makes himself stop. Because what if someone could hear him?





	The Sound of Silence

**Author's Note:**

> This is something I wrote a long time ago and wasn't too happy with and I'm still not but also I haven't been able to upload much lately so here ya go hope you like it <3

I’m paranoid. There. I admitted it. 

 

I’m not  _ crazy _ , I just don’t trust things. I suppose I still have a spark of the imagination every child has, and it just hasn’t died quite yet. 

 

Yes, conceptually I understand that magic isn’t a real thing. I understand that people can’t cast spells or fly or move things with their mind. And even so, I still can’t help but wonder… what if someone could?

 

This thought is what makes me anxious every single time a not-so-appropriate thought enters my mind. Even something as simple as;  _ hey, they’re cute, imagine what it’d be like if they liked me. _ The minute I have the thought I shut it down, glancing around the room to see if anyone’s staring at me. If anyone somehow heard the thought that crept up in my mind, exposing me to them. 

 

I know no one can. I know it’s ridiculous, but still I do it. And still I continue to shut down thoughts the moment I notice them coming up, terrified that I’ll be unknowingly revealing a part of myself to someone I didn’t know was overhearing the thoughts running through my brain. 

 

This habit is what leaves me at the coffee shop on my Uni campus, doodling at the top right corner of the homework sheet I should be filling out, staring at my drawings intently and forcing myself to think about them, and not the boy who caught my attention the minute he came in, and then came and sat down on the couch across from me, putting his feet up on the coffee table and pulling out a laptop as he began to type. 

 

_ I wonder what I could make these doodles into. Maybe bubbles… maybe I could draw a whole underwater scene. Or how about a bunch of eyes… I don’t know…  _

 

_ He’s listening to music. _

 

Out of the corner of my eye as I stared down at my paper, I could see the movement of the boy’s foot tapping slowly up and down as if to a beat. Subtly I glanced up, and sure enough he had earbuds in and was slowly bobbing his head to the same rhythm as he read something on his laptop. I looked quickly back down to my paper.

 

_ I really should get started on this assignment. What is it again? Right, answering questions about that book we had to read.  _

 

_ I wonder what song he’s listening to.  _

 

Flicking another quick glance up, I saw a small smile on the dark haired boy’s lips as his blue eyes shone towards his laptop screen. 

 

_ Oh. He’s probably talking to a girlfriend or something. Shit, Dan, stop thinking about this, what if he can hear you? _

 

_ Are you kidding? How ridiculous are you? People can’t read minds! _

 

_ But what if they can? _

 

_ Fine. Whatever. Focus, Dan. Homework. _

 

I trained my gaze back on my homework and tried to concentrate, but I kept finding myself glancing back up to the boy who now had a hand covering his mouth, his eyes scrunched up with hidden laughter. I raised an eyebrow at him, wondering what on earth he could be looking at, then sighed and shook my head, focusing back in. After about three more minutes of this it was clear.

 

_ Goddammit. I’m never gonna be able to do this assignment here. Better just take it back to the dorm… I hope Ben isn’t there… I swear to god if he’s locked me out to fuck another girl in our room I’m gonna ask for a new roommate. _

 

I sighed and got up, putting my paper back in the folder for that class and shoving it in my backpack. Swinging the bag onto my back, I nearly jumped when I heard a voice addressing me.

 

“Have a good day.” the boy across from me spoke, holding one earbud out of his ear, smiling up at me with an open expression.

 

“Oh. Uh… you too.” I responded, unexpecting of the sudden conversation. I smiled a polite but not at all genuine smile, and then practically raced back to my dorm. 

 

Locked. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

 

**TO BEN: hey dont want to be an asshole but please let me know before you bring girls back i need to be able to get the shit i might need. Thx**

 

I sighed, shaking my head as I tried to figure out where to go from here. There was a lobby on the main floor of the dorm building… but there were usually people there, and it was a stressful place to try and study. That left somewhere random outside (it was the middle of winter - hell no), or returning to that Starbucks. Fuck it.

 

I didn’t know why this boy was so intimidating to me, but I was crossing my fingers that he wouldn’t still be there to see my embarrassed return. Unfortunately my wish wasn’t granted, and as I entered I saw him look over and smile. I was planning on heading to a back table, but when he waved me over it wasn’t like there was much I could do without seeming rude. This is what led me back to the seat I’d left only fifteen minutes ago, plopping down with a sigh and looking up when the boy took out his earbuds, sitting forward a bit and placing his laptop on the coffee table, shutting the lid halfway. 

 

“You’re back.” he observed.

 

_ Is that a tiny smirk on his face? Is he judging me for coming back here with my tail between my legs? Fuck, Dan, why do you have to be so awkward? _

 

“Yeah, uh… my roommate had the room locked.”

 

“Oh, that sucks. I’m sorry. What year are you?”

 

_ Oh, joy, the classic ‘I just met you and we’re in college’ starter conversation. What’s he gonna ask next? My major? _

 

“It’s my first year. Studying law.”

 

_ Might as well just get that out of the way. _

 

“Ooh… fun.” the boy chuckled lightly and I couldn’t help but laugh too, because what the hell was I doing studying law? “What’s your name?”

 

“Dan. You?”

 

“I’m Phil. Fourth year, studying English with a minor in film.”

 

“Well that sounds a lot better than my choice.”

 

“There’s always time to switch.”

 

“Yeah… right.” 

 

_ God, why did I even get myself into law in the first place? What the fuck was I thinking? Film sounds like so much more fun.  _

 

_ Is he smirking at me again? He fucking is! Goddammit why is that kinda cute?  _

 

_ Dan! Don’t think like that! What if he could hear you? _

 

_ Dan how stupid are you? He can’t fucking hear you. _

 

_...Hey… Phil… can you hear me? _

 

A few seconds of silence passed and Phil cocked an eyebrow at me, the smirk on his face growing a bit and I relaxed, confident that my thoughts were safe. 

 

“So uh… what were you laughing at before? On your laptop?”

 

_ Fuck, Dan, now he knows you were watching him. Don’t you ever think before you speak? _

 

“Oh…” Phil started, thinking for a moment and then shrugging with a small smile. “Nothing really. Just some funny videos of cats getting scared by vegetables.”

 

“Oh. Yeah… I like those too.”

 

_ So it wasn’t a girlfriend. _

 

My eyes widened a bit as I saw Phil chuckle and roll his eyes. I frowned slightly and his eyebrows shot up, shaking his head quickly. 

 

“I wasn’t rolling my eyes at you! Sorry! Just uh… thinking of one of those videos. Cats are kinda stupid sometimes.”

 

“Oh… right. Yeah I suppose so.”

 

_ He’s kinda cute when he’s flustered. _

 

I looked up to see Phil raise a hand to cover his mouth and part of his cheeks, but I could see a small flush blossoming out across them and suddenly my eyes went wider than I knew was possible, a pit dropping in my stomach.

 

_ Phil… you really can’t hear me… right? _

 

I watched carefully as Phil didn’t seem to react, just reaching out for his coffee and taking a slow sip. Relaxing, I took a sip of my own coffee, leaning back against the couch.

 

_ Dammit, Dan, why are you so paranoid all the time? _

 

I pulled out my homework and began working on it again, and Phil brought his laptop back onto his lap, beginning to type.

 

After a while, I heard Phil clear his throat and looked up, curious. 

 

“What’s your last name?”

 

_ Why is he asking for my last name? _

 

“Um… Howell. Why?”

 

“Is that with one ‘L’ or two?”

 

“Two… are you stalking me?”

 

“Not if a friend request equals stalking! Though I promise if you accept the first thing I’ll do is go backwards through your photos… so maybe just a bit.” Phil smirked and I blushed, pulling out my phone when I heard the notification sound. Sure enough, it was a friend request on facebook from Phil Lester.

 

“Alright, Phil, just know the same goes both ways.” I said with a cautiously teasing smile and he grinned back, nodding. 

 

“It’s on.”

 

We chuckled and sure enough, I found several condemning photos of a longer - haired blue eyed boy with red eyes from the flash of the camera and shiny skin. He found my horror story photos too, though, so by the end we were both cringing and called it a draw, giggling and leaning back against our respective couches. 

 

_ Wow, I’d spend all day with this idiot instead of doing my homework.  _

 

“Me too.” Phil said warmly, and I laughed, nodding, until suddenly my laughter disappeared all at once.

 

“Wait… what?” I asked, thinking back over what ha’d been said in the past minute, and I watched as Phil’s face went paper-white. “You said ‘me too’.... But I didn’t say anything.”

 

“Oh uh… I mean… I guess I just thought I heard something.” Phil stammered and I frowned, disbelieving.

 

_ Phil…? _

 

**_...Dan?_ **

 

I yelped, and nearly fell off the couch as Phil shot forward, bringing a finger up to his lips to shush me, looking around with terror apparent in his wide eyes.

 

“What the hell?” I hissed, my heart beating abnormally fast. “Did I just… did you just…”

 

“Talk in your head?”

 

I froze, staring at him with a slack jaw. 

 

“Yeah. That.”

 

“Um… yeah… I guess I did.”

 

“How the hell did you do that, Phil?” I demanded, my voice squeaking a bit at the end in a raised whisper.

 

**_I don’t know. I’ve never talked to anyone but my grandma like this before… I’m not supposed to. But um… just please don’t tell anyone!_ **

 

Phil’s voice was clear in my head, bouncing around within my brain as I watched, his eyes pleading and wide and his mouth still, then suddenly he was up and out the door and I was left, staring at the swinging door, wondering what the hell had just happened. 

 

Maybe I’d been right to be paranoid.

  
  


* * *

  
  


**PHIL: I’m so sorry. Please don’t tell anybody… I’m sorry I ran out. I’ve never told anyone and I slipped up and… if people find out they’ll think I’m even more of a freak than they already think. Just… please.**

 

I stared at the text for a long time once I got back to my dorm and thankfully found it unlocked and empty. I sat on my bed and mulled over how to respond, mortification and horror mixed with amazement in my mind. Finally I typed out a response and hit send, falling back against my bed and tossing my phone to the side, squeezing my eyes shut. 

 

**DAN: i wont tell anyone dont worry about it**

 

It didn’t take long for the next response to come and I picked up my phone with a sigh.

 

**PHIL: Thank you so much. I hope you know… I didn’t want to intrude. I can’t really control it sometimes… sorry to invade.**

 

**DAN: really its fine. just… what else did you hear?**

 

**PHIL: I heard a good amount… but really don’t worry. Everyone has passing thoughts - trust me, I know. It’s not like I think that you like me or anything, don’t worry.**

 

My heart dropped out of my chest and onto my bed, mortification making my cheeks blaze. Well. Time to crawl under my covers and never re-emerge. 

 

**DAN: omg fml im sorry ya i just have thoughts it wasnt like… like that you know**

 

**PHIL: Yeah, I know.**

 

**DAN: so uh… can you hear what im thinking rn?**

 

**PHIL: lol no. Doesn’t work that far away usually. It was just because we were close. Also when you think about me it’s clearer.**

 

**DAN: oh. when did it start**

 

**PHIL: I was like five or something. I told my grandma and she made me promise to never tell anyone else. So don’t tell her I told you. She’s old but I’m pretty sure she could still throw me off a building xD**

 

**DAN: sounds terrifying. remind me to call her up when i need a hitman xD**

 

I found myself relaxing a bit, slowly accepting that Phil had heard what he had heard, and relieved that he was still talking to me. Truly, it was actually really intriguing - finally finding someone who could do what I’d been convinced in the back of my mind that  _ someone  _ out there could do my whole life. I didn’t really want to say goodbye… so the banter kept flowing, and soon it was two AM and we were still messaging. It was mostly just emojis at this point - we’d gotten too tired to think of things to talk about, but it didn’t seem like either of us wanted to say goodbye. 

 

Finally at 2:30 AM he stopped responding and I sighed, clicking off my phone screen and nuzzling into my pillow, smiling lightly in the dark of night as I drifted to sleep. 

 

School was easy the next day and I got out early, wandering over to the library when I found myself restless, settling down on a couch with a book for one of my classes.

 

**_Hi._ **

 

I nearly shrieked, whipping around to search for where the voice in my head just came from. I didn’t see anyone, and when I turned back to face forward I saw Phil with two coffees standing in front of me with a cocked eyebrow and that signature half-smirk on his face. I blushed profusely - realizing that I’d just been completely oblivious to him approaching me, and shook it off, straightening my spine. 

 

_ Hey. _

 

_ Wait… did that work? _

 

**_Yeah. But let’s start talking like normal… people are gonna wonder why we’re just here staring at each other._ **

 

_ Right. _

 

My eyes widened as Phil handed me a cup of coffee but I took it gratefully and sipped softly, humming at the sweet and smooth flavor. 

 

“Thank you.”

 

“No problem. How’s your day going?”

 

“It’s fine. Though now I’m terrified to think anything. I mean… if you can hear me, who’s to say a bunch of other people can’t too?”

 

“Eh, I don’t think you need to worry.” Phil responded, sitting next to me on the couch. “I’ve never run into anyone else who could do it my whole life.”

 

“Well how would you know?” I asked automatically, but when Phil raised his eyebrows to give me a ‘look’, I realized how stupid a question that was. “Right. Duh.” I mumbled, looking down at my fingers. 

 

“So… do you have any plans for the night? I was thinking about ordering a pizza and watching movies… but it’s not too fun to do alone.” Phil grinned over at me and my eyes widened.

 

_ I just met this guy - is he really asking me to go hang out with him already? And just the two of us? Wait… this isn’t a date or anything… right? _

 

“No.” Phil laughed, shaking his head with a smile. “It’s not.” My cheeks flushed and I looked down, mortified once again that he could hear every thought going through my head. “Not unless you want it to be, of course...”

 

_ No! I don’t want it to be a date. That’d be stressful. And awkward. God, I’m so awkward. But he is really cute and kinda funny… and he’s surprisingly forward… but in a charming way, not a creepy one. A date could be exciting… but it’s also dangerous and I’d get too scared and awkward and I’d scare him away.  _

 

“...Which it doesn’t seem like you do.” Phil finished and I dropped my head fully in my hands, shaking it side to side.

 

“This isn’t fair!” I grumbled into my hands, the sound of Phil’s laughter reaching my ears.

 

“What?”

 

“You can hear everything I think but I can only hear what you decide to say!” 

 

“Yep. It’s my curse.” Phil said dramatically and I lifted my face out of my hands, rolling my eyes at him. “So.” he continued, his smile unwavering. “Are you coming to my place or not?”

 

My mind immediately began racing to think of an excuse, but at the raise of Phil’s eyebrows I realized that I couldn’t lie. Obviously. Either I wanted to go or I didn’t… and I did.

 

This is what left me on Phil’s couch with him sitting a little closer than necessary as we munched on pizza and argued over whether there really was room on that door for both Rose and Jack. 

 

“Come  _ on,  _ it was huge! They totally could have both fit on there!” Phil insisted, gesturing at the screen as the three hour movie came to its climax.

 

“Yeah, but it would have flipped!” I argued, looking over at him, a piece of saucy cheese stuck to the side of his lip.

 

_ He’s adorable, _ My mind supplied without my permission. 

 

Phil’s lip tugged up at the corner and I knew he’d heard what I’d thought as he raised a hand to his mouth, removing the cheese and sauce. I sighed and he just smirked more, reaching out for a drink of soda from the coffee table, scooting a bit closer to me in the process. Now our thighs were fully pressed together and an entire side of the sofa was being left unoccupied. 

 

_ You’re not so subtle. _ I thought pointedly, rolling my eyes and chuckling breathily.

 

**_I’m not trying to be._ ** I heard back. 

 

**_Also, do you want to change that label now? Make it a date?_ **

 

My throat tightened as my mind raced, his leg and shoulder against mine suddenly feeling strangely warm.

 

_ No! I don’t want this to be a date! We just met! _

 

_ Come on, Dan, do you even feel how fast your heart is beating right now? _

 

_ Shut up! I don’t want this to be a date, okay? I don’t like him. _

 

_ Bullshit. You know all you want is for him to lean over and- _

 

“So it’s official.” Phil’s voice broke me out of my thoughts, blushing as I looked up at him, his face only inches away from mine. 

 

“What is?” I squeaked, gulping hard to try to get my voice back to a recognizable pitch. 

 

“It’s a date.” Phil grinned, his arm coming around my shoulder and pulling me into his side. For a moment I went stiff, but I quickly softened under the weight of his arm, accepting my situation. Honestly… there was no use trying to act like I wasn’t attracted to him. He knew. 

 

Deciding to just go with it, I lifted my legs and put them over his, wrapping my arms around his waist and letting my head fall on his shoulders.

 

“Fine.” I agreed, my voice grumpy. “This is still horribly unfair.”

 

“Well what could I do to make it more fair?” Phil asked, his voice making hot air tickle along the top of my head, rustling my hair. 

 

“You could think everything out loud.” I responded, unsure if that was even possible.

 

“I… I don’t know if I can.” Phil responded honestly after a moment and I sighed, nodding. 

 

“That’s what I thought.”

 

“I can try, though.” he spoke quickly, and my head snapped up, looking him in the eye.

 

“Really?”

 

**_Yeah. I don’t know if this will even work… but I can sort of feel a wall and if I just take it down…_ **

 

**_God, his eyes are pretty. Am I being too forward? Most likely. It’s so nice to have someone know, though, and he’s so gorgeous. Why on earth is he so insecure, too? I want to help him see how I see him. Fuck, I should not be this close to him I can’t think straight._ **

 

_ Wow. Are… are you serious? _

 

**_Wait did that work?_ **

 

_ Yeah… yeah, it did. _

 

**_Fuck that’s embarrassing._ **

 

_ Now you know how I feel. _

 

**_Can I turn it off now?_ **

 

_ No.  _

 

**_Well then can I at least ki-_ **

 

I cut him off, already being able to hear the feeling behind his thought, knowing what he meant. I cut him off, my lips on his, and suddenly there was silence. 

 

My own thoughts went still and his did as well and there was only the faint sound of our breathing and the background noise of the end of Titanic as his hand came up to my cheek and we kissed, and we kissed, and we kissed.

 

When we pulled away, his eyes were as wide as I knew mine were, and we both began laughing, the sound light and surprised.

 

_ Wow. _

 

**_Yeah._ **

 

_ I know I just met you… but… _

 

**_I’ll pick you up at seven tomorrow._ **

 

_ Does that mean… _

 

**_Yes. I’ll be your boyfriend._ **

 

For the rest of our lives, all our friends would ask why we were so quiet. Why we never seemed to talk to each other. We’d just smile and look at one another, and begin to laugh. Because we were the most obnoxious, loud, oversharing couple there was. We just did it in the privacy of our own minds.


End file.
